Spoken Vulnerability

U want sexy time?

Then no hard conversations

Of vulnerableness

Yesterday was a really hard day. I didn't sleep well and I had to physically go into the office to work when it was supposed to be a work from home day. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to meet a dear friend for lunch which really reset my day. We had fun discussions and the banter was really what I needed. 

From there, I drove home and got productive. I changed into workout clothes and performed my first strength workout of 2026! Afterwards, I slid on my running shoes and ear buds for a short but efficient 3.5 mile run. I was feeling really good!

Since it was Thursday date night was in full effect and my endorphins were charged, I asked the missus if sexy time would be in play. It was a resounding 'yes' and I could not wait for date night to start. 

We go to our favorite restaurant. And while there, I shared with her some pretty vulnerable shit. I admitted to her that shutting down when we argue was my way of self-preservation, meaning its just not worth the stress of arguing when u genuinely dont feel.you're being heard nor the thing being argued about will change. From there, it went downhill. 

We started talking about our health as older adults and the need to have hormone levels checked (including myself). I support her need to have them checked and have offered to attend appointments with her. But somehow, it turned into an argument with her feeling as if I don't think she's doing enough in support of her health. Feeling it get out of hand, I dropped it and we left to head home. 

 We got home, i changed and got comfortable. And then it began. She was upset that I 'chose' to have hard conversation while on the date which disrupts her ability to focus on sexy time. She felt we have check-ins on Saturday/Sunday mornings for that purpose. I didnt think our conversation was all that hard. And if it truly got hard earlier on without my knowledge, I feel it's up to her to pause it so that we can discuss it later. 

It's so frustrating to feel as though the goalposts move every time I try to do something that involves her. I don't talk...well why arent you talking to me?!?! I do talk...well now isnt the time to talk about that thing!?!? I rarely feel as though I can get it right. 

Am I that unfocused and in my own thoughts to not pay attention to anything outside of that? Am I so forgetful that I am losing sense of time and agreements? I feel as though I am this crazy person with some warped sense of reality around her. Should I really take a test to find out what my mental/emotional deficiencies are? I would think by knowing them, I could better combat or support myself as I relate to others. But I really do feel as though my sense of reality is far different than hers and that scares me