Thursday, December 25, 2025

It's a Wonderful Life - Part Deaux


Today is a new thing for me in that the missus and I celebrated our second ever Christmas holiday without kids. The first time ever was before kids. This time was a first as an empty nester couple. I'd watched It's a Wonderful Life early in my twenties and enjoyed it, but there were parts that resonated with me and many that didnt due to lack of experiences. However, watching as a fifty year old hit very differently. I'll explain 🙄

There's a scene in the movie where the main character's (George Bailey) uncle loses all the money for the S&L company that was supposed to be deposited while an auditor is visiting. Realizing it's nowhere to be found, George goes home and is mad at the world, his wife and his kids. He loses it and starts destroying all his building drawings, and his home office. The wife and kids are baffled as this is behavior they'd never experienced from him. He later gets a visit from an angel and he asks the angel if its possible to be removed from life as he felt everyone else's life would be better without him. He realizes his own value as family and friends lives are completely different as a result of him no longer being born. 

It got me into my feels...hard! The past year has been difficult for me and without going into a ton of detail, I had the feeling of 'destroying' my home office because of how hard things have been at home, with work, etc...i could empathize with George in that moment. 

Later, in the altered reality, George is looking for his brother who is a WWII hero for saving a boat full of soldiers from a bomber plane. He realizes because he no longer exists in this altered reality, his brother doesn't exist because he dies due to a childhood accident in which George saves his brother. But in this altered reality, the brother doesn't exist therefore, the entire boat full of soldiers are killed by the bomber plane. He decides he wants to live and as a result George's life goes back to what it was previously.

I boo hoo cried watching this as it got me thinking about life if I didnt exist. My kids don't exist. My sister doesn't have a younger brother and lives life as an only child. My friends dont have a caring friend who would give the shirt off of his back to them. I've realized so many people would be without because of my generous nature and desire to support my peeps. What would happen  20 years ago when I saved my drowning niece if I wasnt there? This all weighed heavily on me and I just couldn't hold it in. It started with tears, and when I tried to explain it, it became full on snot bubbles.

What I love about the holidays is the magnitude of appreciation I feel for friends, partners and family. This movie will always be a reminder to appreciate the 'haves' and not worry about the 'have nots'. 

If u haven't watched it recently, it's worth a watch. I hope u don't get snot bubbles like I did 😂

Monday, December 8, 2025

Fear


Desiring to go someplace and not having a ride
Wanting to go for a workout and having no drive

Bending the ear of a loved one who doesn't care
To listen or hear me is beyond disrepair

Making time, spending time and dropping every dime I have to hear u, relate to u and it falls flat...like squeezing a juiceless lime

I'm aware of distractions, but if u make the decision to reach out to me, I emphasize
I will be there as quickly as I can to empathize

This wasn't exactly a poem about things I fear
But to know me is to know I go through brick walls for my peers

- AJ

Thursday, December 4, 2025

Peace

Peaceful things and peaceful thoughts:

1. My loved one rubbing my back, feet, shoulders or calves for no reason other than they know I love to be touched 
2. Warm seats in the car after spending too much time outdoors in cool weather
3. A warm fire indoors while cuddled under the softest blanket with a loved one
4. A hike in fall/spring weather to a river or a waterfall 
5. Getting completely high for the weekend in a cabin
6. Wine tasting in Napa valley
7. Going into the surf nude at Haulover Beach
8. Crackling wood candle wicks while reading smut with a loved one
9. Sailing to a deserted island for the day in the Caribbean.
10. Sharing a different type of coffee everyday for a week in Costa Rica